Monday, October 3, 2011

Just one of those nights...

Now usually I'm a fairly confident guy, so much so that I've been old I often come across as cocky. However, tonight, by some odd sequence of events combined with the loneliness of being an introvert in a new city, I've begun to realize that my confidence is waning.

Like a great hero of yesteryear my positive self image seems to have gotten lost in the waves of change. It's an odd feeling this, no longer having the confidence to ask a cute girl for her phone number. It's a sensation the likes of which I can't remember experiencing in at least the last 6 years. Maybe it's a side effect of being so far from the friends and family to whom I had become so attached. Maybe it's the realization of my mortality and insignificance in the lives of others, the notion that when I'm not around, life still goes on. Now of course, I'm no fool, I had never thought I was integral to the function of the lives of my loved ones, I had only assumed that my decision to move hours away would have a slightly more dramatic impact. But, as we all realize at some point, when we leave, life goes on. Friends whom I had felt relied on me to keep their sanity have simply found new outlets for their frustrations and issues. While I am left in an unfamiliar city, surrounded by strange faces and the feeling of rejection, completely and utterly alone. Now maybe I'm being cynical, perhaps these people, who had such a profound impact on my life are simply being considerate, by voicing their troubles to some one else, they may be attempting to spare me any extra stress in addition to the stressors of school and life in a new city. Perhaps, but that couldn't be farther from how it all feels tonight. I feel used, I feel as if I served my purpose and was discarded, like a dirty old condom. But I guess it's just one of those nights

-Onward and Upward!

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